Our Conflicting Views on Prayer...

This one is kind of personal... don't usually post about things that are personal, but it's been on my heart to post this for a while now.

Mike was faced with giving a prayer request at small group last week. Something he's not too comfortable with because of events that have taken place over the course of our marriage that give him "different" views that most have.

So, let's start from the beginning..... (might wanna grab some coffee because this could take a while!)

• Michael and I were married November 2nd, 1991
• In the summer of 1992 we had lost our first baby
• Devin was born emergency c-section in distress on June 12, 1993
• Kayleigh came quickly after on July 26, 1994, 7 weeks early
• We had the normal marriage struggles up and down that were intensified with that of a premature baby who was always on breathing treatments and financial chaos
• Mike lost his job in 1996... that was a huge hit!
• Decided then to go to college as a married couple with 2 young children... yeah... no stress there!
• In 1997 we lost another baby...
• Early 1998 we found out we were expecting again, but later in the pregnancy we learned there were complications... big ones!
• August 14, 1998 Chase was born with some problems with one of his kidneys being quite enlarged
• Oh... and let's not forget the massive amounts of blood loss and near death experience I had giving birth to Chase
• In the spring of 1999 Chase had surgery to have his renal problems corrected
• Mike started having seizures in 1998 that progressively got worse and more frequent over the next 2 years
• Winter of 2000 we unexpectedly found out we were expecting TWINS!
• April 3, 2000 our twins became angels with our two other babies that were lost
• Shortly thereafter it was "confirmed" I would not be able to get pregnant again due to significant scar tissue in the uterus... honestly... this was a sigh of relief!
• Spring/Summer of 2000 my Mom was diagnosed with Melanoma
• We moved home in 2001 to be there for her and help Dad with her appointments an care
• Oh... Mike's seizures continued, kids were sick with one thing or another, multiple sets of tubes in ears, etc..... you know... more stress on us and our marriage
• Spring of 2002... better sit down.... PREGNANT!!!
• The next several months consisted of more seizures from Mike, Mom's health declining, and my pregnancy being very rocky
• By the early fall of 2002 I was on strict bedrest, Mom was on daily radiation, Dad wasn't sleeping, Mike was still seizing...
• October of 2002... Mom's cancer was officially terminal and there was nothing more that could be done
• November 7, 2002 Paige was born 9 weeks prematurely, spending the next several weeks in the hospital
• December 2002 Mom's cancer was in her brain and we could see her slipping away
• April 13, 2003 we said goodbye to Mom one final time
• By spring of 2003 Dad had his first heart attack
• June of 2003 Dad was rushed to IU Med Center with an aneurysm
• Summer was consumed with Dad's health and Paige's health
• September of 2003 one of Mike's best friends was shot and killed
• Winter of 2003 into 2004 Paige continued to have terrible health and Chase began to lose weight
• Spring of 2004 Chase became lethargic and almost unresponsive at times
• May of 2004 our pediatrician diagnosed him for the first time with an auto-immune heart condition and he was admitted to the Children's Hospital CICU.
• School year of 2005 we started noticing Chase was a bit "different" than the other kids
• Spring of 2005 Kayleigh collapsed at school with a blood sugar of less than 40!!
• Fall of 2006 Devin had his first asthma attack while running a cross country race
• Through all this, illness continued, Dad's health was up and down, Mike and I were always stressed out!
• Spring of 2006 we moved to North Carolina
• Summer of 2006 Mike was involved in an accident at work where he lost the hearing in his left ear
• Fall of 2006 Chase was diagnosed with Mild Developmental Delay with Autistm Tendencies.... even though we suspected this, it was a huge hit to Mommy!!
• Winter of 2006... Dad left my house in NC the day after Christmas and had a heart attack half way home, while driving in the middle of Kentucky!
  
• 2007 3 of the 4 kids had surgery to have tonsils removed, adenoids, removed, and tubes put in AGAIN!
• Spring of 2007 Kayleigh was diagnosed with LABRYNTHITIS!! Never heard of it? Yeah... us either and we still aren't sure! LOL!
  
• Summer 2007 Devin belly flopped into the pool and broke a rib
• Fall of 2007 Mike had shoulder surgery to repair bicep tears, RTC tears, labral tears, AND bone spurs!!! LONG RECOVERY!!

I could keep going... but I think you get the point and I'm tired of writing it all out! Making me get all down again!

Anyhow, In the 20 years we've been married, suffice it to say that we have endured more than our fair share of stress, heartache, tragedy, illness, and more. Now, I'm not saying there weren't happy times in there. Just seems like there were way more lows than highs!

For me, during all those things listed above.I prayed. I will cry out to the Lord and sometimes yell "WHY?!?.... This is not fair, Lord!". Other times I thank Him. Sounds crazy, I know. But through it all Mike and I always support each other and we have always had good doctors to care for the kids, supportive friends, loving parents, and more. In James, we are told to "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." and persevere I have done!

For Mike, it's not so easy. He has faith, and knows that the Lord is in control of all, but prayer doesn't come so easy for him. In his mind, what's going to happen cannot be changed in prayer because the Lord knows and keeps His plan. If we pray for something to be changed, it isn't going to happen if it's not the Lord's will. For him, if he prays about something it's like saying "Lord, I know you have Your will.. but here is MY will and I want you to change yours to match mine." I can certainly see his point, but I don't necessarily agree with it.

For me, I've learned to rely on the love that the Lord has for us and I've really began to trust that He will see us through anything and everything. I don't get stressed out as easily about things like I used to. I just pray for peace, guidance, strength, and for the Lord to cover our needs during times of trial.

Think about it this way.... when you get upset about something or something happens like a death, who do you turn to? Many will call up a friend for support. Just someone who will listen to our concerns, worries, and wipe our tears. We don't necessarily say to that friend or request of that friend to change the outcome or to make it different. They are there to lean on.

Guess what... That's what GOD is there for too! Call on Him! Cry out to Him that you are angry, upset, weary, tired... or cry out to Him when you are THANKFUL in the very same manner. Stay in constant communication with Him and He will give you peace, comfort, and strength to get through anything!

Is Mike right? In my opinion... sort of. We cannot change God's will. But what we can do is pray for his comfort and trust that His will is part of a bigger and better plan that He has for us and for our lives.

To my dear husband, that I love very very much... when you pray to "let go, and let God", the weight is lifted off YOUR shoulders and HE takes it on for because He loves you JUST THAT MUCH!