Matthew 11:28...

I get asked about every day "How are you?" or "How is Mike today?". My response is usually "We're ok... taking things one day at a time."

But if I'm keeping it real.  I can't speak for Mike, but I am not ok. Period.

I am angry.
I am sad.
I am frustrated.
I am tired.
I am worn out.

I am angry that we are finding ourselves again in the midst of a medical mess that no doctor can seem to stop.  I am angry that Mike endured a brutal surgery and recovery a year ago and listened closely for God's call through it all and obeyed what we felt He was asking us to do.  We up and moved our family across the country, got here, and he is suffering yet again.  I am just angry that we have had more "junk" happen to our family than any other family we know in the 22 years we've been married..  we have endured everything from the loss of best friends, to serious illness, to unexpected job changes, to troubled teens, to financial chaos, to stress in our marriage... we've seen it all. Way more than what I (selfishly) think should be our fair share!

I feel sad and alone. When we left North Carolina, we moved away from the most stability we have ever had in our lives.  Our friends and church family, the doctors we trust, hospitals we know are all so far away.  We don't know many people here outside of the 2 other Riverview families, and the doctors and hospitals are all new to us; forcing us to start all over.

I get frustrated when there are times when Mike really SHOULD go to the emergency room and has been TOLD to go by his doctors, but flat out refuses because of a bad experience we had at the first hospital we went to.  Instead...  I sit here waiting and watching him, afraid that he won't go until it's so bad I can't get him to the car, let alone to the ER.

I am tired of constantly worrying about what is around the next corner that is going to hit us head on! I am especially tired of seeing my husband battle this "disease" day after day, unable to even get through half of grocery store without become weak, fatigued, off balance, shaky, and sometimes confused; let alone get through a day of work.

I am worn out from trying to work 40 hours to make ends meet, get to doctors appointments, take care of kids school stuff, do the shopping, run the errands, and then going to bed at night not sleeping because I"m trying to figure out how to make it all work the next day.  I am just worn out, plain and simple...

I  hear people say "I don't know how you do it" or "you are so strong". Everyone assumes I am so strong and have it all together. I do not. I promise you....  I absolutely do not!

Matthew 11:28... "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

Father God, our family is weary. We are tired. We need Your help for peace and rest. Amen.

Our Love Story....

I came across this picture on a social media site today and it got me thinking about the love of MY life....

Four times he held my hand, wiped my sweat, fed me ice chips, endured some broken fingers (true story) and then kept me calm as doctors ripped open my belly to deliver our babies.  Afterwards, he helped me get in and out of bed, change my clothes, shower, and yes....  even go to the bathroom!

Three times he dealt with weeks of my emotional outbursts that came and went when my hormones were out of whack after losing babies.

He has held my hair back and kept cool cloths on my face when I was terribly sick on the bathroom floor, put me to bed, cleaned up the mess so that I could get some rest, and then he slept on the couch.

He has traveled thousands of miles in the car my fear of thunderstorms and traffic, kids who get carsick and have to stop to potty every other hour, spills, tears,and more in the car to take us home to visit family.

He let me run out of my house and fall to my knees screaming and yelling with tears flowing, and then held me tight without saying a word in the minutes after my Mom left this earth and continued to just be there for me in the weeks thereafter.

He has packed hundreds of lunches, signed permissions lips, spent hours helping with homework, watched kids musicals, shook his head at the oldest playing in the dirt instead of playing outfield in t-ball, wiped away the tears after feelings were hurt, sat through hours of band concerts, kissed and put bandaids on boo-boos, sat bedside in pediatric ICUs, carried kids with broken bones to the doctor, given breathing treatments and midnight, and comforted kids after nightmares.

He has done more laundry than I ever have, washed more dishes, and cleaned up after me way more than I care to admit.

He lets me wrap my feet up in his under the blankets when I'm cold and lets me snuggle when he really hates snuggling, even after a night of arguing over something that we don't even remember the next day.

He has never run through an airport to stop me from getting on a plane.....

But he HAS ran through a busy Detroit airport toting a 2 year old in one arm, a carseat and carry-ons in another; with his inlaws, me, and 2 more kids in tow so that we wouldn't miss our flight to Disney!

He is also patient, kind, and loving and I am forever grateful for the way he loves me!